America: The Domain Name

Well, America, it's been one day since God created America: The Blog and it's already facing it's first lawsuit. Well, potentially. Hoping to see my little baby atop the Google search engine results for "America", "blog", or at least "truth", I discovered that there is no chance of me ever getting a registered domain name. It turns out "www.americatheblog.com" is already a web site, already a blog even. Jeez. I should've checked that before registering for this one. Now what do I do? Abandon my ambitions? Succumb to the weight of the world on my blogging shoulders? Never. Why?

For one, I actually write things in my blog. Americatheblog.com is just a domain name that redirects you to Followthelinks.com, a blog that's nothing but a bunch of links to other blogs relating to politics. The man behind it, it seems, is David Collins, whose picture I Googled:

Yes, that's actually him. Followthelinks is powered by Blogger, just like the real America: The Blog. Now, don't think I'm jumping to conclusions—I've done my research. Collins's user profile is short and to the point, telling us things we wouldn't be able to figure out by just looking at him, such as his age and gender. Collins is "43", "male", and was born in the year of the tiger. From this, we can deduce that he was born in the sixties, and if I felt like subtracting his age from the year 2006, I could tell you what year. However, that's as obvious as it gets. His interests section reveals little about him: "Politics", "government", "media"— boooooring. How can Collins actually expect people to take notice of him if his interests are the same as every other pseudo-political analyst on the Internet today? One of his interests isn't even a noun. Being interested in "anti-war" is like being interested in "cheerful", in the sense that it isn't possible. What he needs is something edgy. Take my profile, for example. Shark wrestling. Magic tricks. Whitewater rafting. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to tell that this blog is chock-full of sass, charm, and personality. If you'll excuse my grammar, Collins ain't got nothin' on me. I mean, which would you rather read, America: The Blog, or America: The Blog That is Really Just a Collection of Links? Me too.

It may seem like I'm biased, but that's because I'm right. Sure, on the surface it may seem like he's an okay guy—but don't be fooled by the "About Me" section in his user profile, shown to the right. Oh, look! Collins can't be bad—he's concerned about the state of world! World, schmorld. If Collins really stood for what he claims to stand for, that "About Me" box would read one thing and one thing only, and you can find it in the user profile of yours truly:

There, that's better. World. Psh. America, stick with the blog that's concerned about you.Now, I'm not trying to declare war on David Collins—that's Congress's job—but the fact is, the domain name Americatheblog.com is better suited for someone whose blog fits that description. He already has Followthelinks.com—what more does he need? Nowhere on his website do I see the words "America: The Blog". Having that domain name redirect to a completely different site is just his greedy way of getting more readers. I propose that we get a thousand signatures and mail them to Collins, requesting that he hand the domain name over to me. Otherwise, we'll have to raise money and buy him out. Either way is cool with me.

I'm sure David Collins won't be angry with me for writing this—after all, I did link to him, meaning that he'll get more hits on his counter. I got your back, buddy. I got your back.*

*NOTE: David Collins, if you are reading this, I just want to say that I love your blog. D'you think you could link me on your page? Thanks!!

Introduction

Welcome to America: The Blog, the web log dedicated to all things American*. These days, blogging has become a nationwide trend, spurring controversy and cultivating faith, becoming the medium for cultural interaction across the globe. Teenagers are now able to detail the miseries of their existences, speculate about their crushes, and complain about how much homework they have¹. Politicians and activists take advantage of the Internet by raising money and reaching out for support in hopes of winning the next election². From the comfort of their home computers, old people reminisce about the good old days before the new-fangled technology of the twenty-first century³. More people get their information from the Internet than they do from the newspaper, it seems. For these reasons, the obvious choice for marketing my ideas (A.K.A. writing) is the common blog. I typed in a URL, entered a few fields of information, chose a username, and voila—America: The Blog is born.

*American: adj. Describes anything I feel like writing
1. Source: http://www.livejournal.com
2. Chances are up from zero to none.
3. It makes sense if you think about it, I assure you.